If Plants Could Talk

If plants could talk, would they whine or complain, cry or carry on? Would they scream, at one another or at me? Would they tease or taunt the cats and dogs?

* "Yo, what's a green gotta do for a drink?" 

* "Hey, move your big fat leaves, you're blocking the light for the rest of us." 

* "The air is so dry in here, it's like a desert." 

* " I can't remember the last time you made us flowers, violet." 

* "Listen, Tiger, those are my babies you're gnawing on and I don't appreciate it." 

If I listen carefully, I imagine the cacophony of voices. For the sake of peace and quiet, since I have about 3 dozen plants, it's probably good that they are silent. But they DO tell us when things are not going well. It's our job to pay attention, and, hopefully, do something about it. 

Now that my eyes are open, after last week's "House Plant 101" session at Gethsemane, I see signs of suffering all around me. Yellow and brown leaves, curling up and drying out; long leggy growth as stems lean desperately for more light; cracked leaves and stems; white powdery dust, small black bugs and spider webs. Oh, the horrors!

Yellow leaves may mean over-watering in some plants whereas brown leaves have dried out - from lack of water or overly dry or cold air. Long leggy stems mean the plant wants more light. Flowering plants that haven't flowered in a while probably also need more light. Shriveling edges of leaves is a sign of dry air or maybe cold drafts. Plants do get stressed when they're moved and need time to adjust to new spaces.

The first thing I learned at the plant talk was that you should keep plants in smaller pots until they've really filled them in with their roots. This means that in most cases, indoor plants should be left in the pots they were purchased or acquired in for a while. If they've filled out and really grown into the pot, you can tell by feeling the sides of the pot or checking to see if the roots are coming out of the bottom.

If you don't like the look of the pot the plant came in, you can simply drop it inside another prettier pot - so the outer pot is a holder. You can place something in the bottom to raise it up if needed. And make sure there is proper drainage - with holes in the plant's pot and a tray underneath the pot holder.

Only when the plant has filled out its pot and feels well-packed should you repot it and then, do so in a pot about 2 inches larger. I admit I've been guilty of putting plants in much larger pots, thinking it would give them room to grow. The truth is, according to plant experts, that will often just lead to weakened roots, over-watering, rotting and plant death. 

The second thing I re-learned was that not all plants will be on the same watering schedule - AND all plants have different water (and other) needs at different times of the year. In winter, most plants are somewhat dormant outside of a greenhouse, at least in the Midwest, and don't need much water or energy as they are not producing new growth. Feeding, trimming, pruning and re-potting should be done generally in the growing season, in spring to summer, not when it's below freezing even if the plants are in the house. 

The key is to reduce the amount and frequency of watering in winter. It sounds simple but I admit that when it's brutally cold and the air gets so dry in winter, I've given plants more water thinking their skins must be as dry as mine. And I've generally done a once a week circuit with the watering can around the house, with a few exceptions that get watered more often.

The third lesson: bugs will happen if you've had plants long enough.Some plants are more susceptible and should be watched but almost any plant may attract unwanted bugs, fungus, mold, fleas or other undesirables. The key is to catch it early so you can protect the plant and keep it healthy.

In my house, the crotons are clearly the hot vacation spots for spider mites and I regularly spray the plants with water tinged with gentle dish soap and a few drops of Tabasco to dislodge the visitors. I also take Q-tips with rubbing alcohol to further discourage their squatting between leaves.

Recently, the begonias I brought in from the porch had a white dusty mold all over its leaves. I should have been more diligent about cleaning up the dropped flowers. To fix it, I did a major triage and cut off all stems and leaves with white dust on it. Then I sprayed the crap out of what was left with the same water/soap/hot sauce substance - and they're looking downright perky again!

The last thing the plant expert shared was the "world's best-selling book on house plants," and I picked one up that day. It describes most major house plants and all their basic types and names of plants and detailed plant-by-plant care tips and trouble-shooting: The House Plant Expert, by Dr. D. G. Hessayon. 

Luckily, I have new tools and a firm resolve to make things right with my house plants. I am now armed and hopefully less dangerous to my houseplants. I look forward to getting to know them better.